For Busy Working Parents
It’s totally normal for relationships to lose that sense of ‘spark’ (especially when kids are involved!). As time goes on you become more comfortable and preoccupied, and tired from other areas of life. Sometimes, your relationship simply gets sidelined…
If you feel like your relationship needs a little ‘something’, keep reading for some tips on rejuvenating and rethinking your intimacy!
Rediscovering Each Other
Start over… Imagine your relationship as a clean slate. It’s all well and good go back to what you used to know, but you are quite possibly changed people now. Why not try something new?
Here are a few ideas for some small gestures to spark a bit of romance, or just show that you care:
1. Learn something new together
Enjoying a hobby together is a great way to reconnect and have fun. Doing something as a team (that isn’t looking after the kids) can let you enjoy your sense of play as a couple, not just ‘parents’. You could…
- Take up a two-player sport together such as tennis, badminton or squash
- Learn a new game. Make time to do something fun together – like chess, two player card games, pool, darts…
- Do some gardening together. Nurture your produce whilst nurturing your time together!
- Learn a language together (even if it’s just the basics) and practice regularly together. Maybe for a romantic trip away together sometime in the future, as a reward to work towards? Don’t forget, couples need that special time away from normality!
2. Find fresh ways to flirt!
Flirting is exciting, and it’s absolutely not just for new relationships. If your old flirting methods feel a bit overused, or not fun anymore, here are a few tips for some fresh ideas…
Plan a surprise date night! Think of something special to do, it doesn’t have to be expensive! As simple as cooking a new meal from scratch, lighting some aromatic candles to set the mood and going out to see a cheap comedy night, or a band. Even just a walk somewhere beautiful…
Alternatively, something more extravagant, like arranging childcare so you can go visit another city and go somewhere completely new for a night. Spontaneity and sense of adventure, even if it needs some time for planning behind the scenes, is always going to be sexy and exciting!
Complement each other regularly (this does not need to be appearance based). Just remember to acknowledge each other’s good bits. Make them smile as often as you can! Tell them how much you love them. Remind them you appreciate them and everything they do for you and your family.
3. Physical touch.
This one may sound simple, but it can easily dwindle over time. I’m not talking about sexual stuff either, just simple things… This does depend on whether touch is one of your partner’s love languages.
Understanding better your partners’ favourite love languages (as shown on the right) can help you on your quest to strengthening your connection!
Small touches such as hand holding can be a consistent way to remind your partner of your love and trust.
You could try exercises such as long hugs as a form of mindfulness (sharing the moment together without distraction).
Offering your partner a massage shows you care about their body and mind – it can help them relax and de-stress after a long day (and should help you feel closer to each other too). Follow this link for Five Simple Steps to Massage Your Partner at Home!
4. Look after yourself to improve your relationship! There’s nothing more attractive than someone who is in touch with themselves, and actively works to improve to be the best version of themselves. This could be focused on your health, fitness, wellbeing, hobbies, habits… Everything that makes you
If you find you are consistently existing at a low energy, spend some time to figure out what it is that’s causing that. Look towards your lifestyle and work-life balance. Consider whether it is something you can work on yourself and with your partner, or if you need some extra help with working on deeper issues. A happy healthy relationship can depend on the efforts you both take to work on things within youselves, as well as within the relationship itself.
Try out our article Checking in With Your Mental Fitness to explore ways you can self-improve at home!
Communication is the Key to a Healthy Relationship!
Being in communication with how you and your partner are feeling is extremely important for a healthy relationship.
This isn’t exactly breaking news to many, but being honest and open about emotions can build strong foundations for your spark to grow. There are ways we can take communication to the next level, to stay more connected:
Ask Some New Questions!
Being together for a long time can sometimes leave you feeling like everything has already been said. If you feel like the spark has faded over time, think about ways you can communicate about this. Don’t just keep it quiet!
Ask them about what they want and need from the relationship at this point (around things such as intimacy, communication, love languages, sex, boundaries etc).
Make sure they feel heard, listened to, by allowing space for them to speak, and acting on things discussed. Having open and honest conversations proves you both want to keep your relationship alive and thriving, even if it just feels like a baby step…
Check out our article The Five Stages of Listening for more on the reasons listening fully is so important for relationships.
Put Conversations into Action!
Listen to your partners’ needs and act on it.
Maybe they are complaining about housework or cooking. You can respond by making sure the housework/cooking is equal and fair, or taking on a little more if you can tell they are particularly tired some days.
You could show you listen by treating them to something you remember them saying they really wanted, to remind them that they are special. (Or just buy some flowers, or something they like), as a spontaneous romantic gesture (not just for an anniversary). This usually lights up someone’s day and communicates love.
Don’t fall for the idea that ‘honeymoon’ phases are just for the start of relationships. You can totally rekindle your relationship, by maximising your efforts with each other, finding quality time and focusing on the little gestures. Being a parent is hard, and exhausting, and can leave your relationship feeling lonely or distant. Take back your spark by being present, open and ready for change!